The Secret Life of Jeremy Gilbert
by Destro McCullen
Summary: Most see Jeremy as Elena's brother or Bonnies boyfriend few know the truth about him and fewer know the real him. Jeremy lives a double life hidden from Elena and the others living in the shadows a silent guardian this is world this is The Secret Life of Jeremy Gilbert.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Jeremy Gilbert I am a guardian a true keeper of the balance except unlike witches I don't go looking for trouble, trouble finds me. It's not easy living a double live I've seen things that my sister Elena and girlfriend Bonnie would not believe. I've learned things that would shake the very core of their beliefs I've gone to places they will never go and I have done things they would never understand.

My sins are my own cross to bear and I have to live with them I've been a guardian since before my so called resurrection yeah that's right Bonnie didn't bring me back I was already alive. Before you judge me I need you to understand something I didn't plan it Bonnie acted on her own I was supposed to go back to being dead but then Bonnie tried bringing me back when there was no one to bring back she died and I was left holding the bag. On the bright side those acting classes I took in freshman year paid off. That's ironically the least of my issues.

Upon becoming a guardian I remembered every compelled memory and I started putting things together. I put together Bonnie's involvement with Anna's death, I remembered Elena trying to control my life and sending me to Denver I also remember Vickie dying. So amidst all these revelations I started drinking and gambling and hiding my damn problems from my so called friends I mean seriously sometimes the self-righteous indignation makes me want to take out my flask and drink in front of everyone and then tell them all off.

Any way as a guardian I've lost friends, comrade's people that became like family I've let people down so I want you to know the happy go lucky person you see me as that's not who I am that's who I pretend to be because I know that if my friends and family every saw the real me they could never cope. The truth is I am a somewhat suicidal, self-loathing, barely self-functioning alcoholic that fights the forces of darkness in my spare time I'm also a sex addict I couldn't stay faithful if I tried all of this is the real me.

So turn back while still can because unlike my sister who lives la la land I'm living in hell.

Chapter One:

I woke up next to Samantha a local prostitute and drug addict I rubbed my head feeling a nasty hang over I stood up and opened her night stand drawer I looked inside it for my flask.

"Up already?" She asked groaning.

"Yeah Sam. I got work down stairs where's my gun?"

"Right where you left it in your holster on the door knob babe. I thought bullets couldn't kill vampires and were wolves." Sam said a little bit confused.

"Yeah normally they just piss them off but my bullets are packed with my own special blend vervain mixed with wolf's bane and inside silver bullets blessed by a priest. It's a quadruple threat and when it hits it's like a cannon ball hitting them especially the explosive rounds."

I got dressed and attached my gun holster to my waist. "Sam you got a switch blade?"

"It's on the dresser in front of the mirror. Why are you asking?"

"When I pin them down I'm going to sever their spinal cords it's sort of like decapitating a vampire only it involves a little less head removing." After that I went down stairs and to another room in the hotel and started opening fire.

Mean While…

Jake a warlock and Jeremy's secret best friend was looking some old books with an older man named Thomas. Thomas was Jeremy's mentor and teacher he had been secretly teaching Jeremy how to be a guardian and protector of the innocent.

"Shouldn't Jeremy be helping us do research?" Jake asked finding it odd that they were doing the heaving lifting aka monster research.

"Well you must understand Jake he's a guardian a servant of the Celestial Court he's morally obligated to fight off the forces of darkness. Our purpose is to provide moral and emotional support as he cannot ever reveal his secret to anyone less they be put in mortal danger." Thomas explained in a empowering and moving speech.

Jake just starred at the partially bald Brit "You know he's a drunk, a womanizer, only with Bonnie because he feels guilty that she sacrificed her life for nothing and oh yeah he secretly harbors feelings of hate towards both the Salvatores and some partial resentment towards Elena who he secretly refers to only as his cousin when she's not around. He also spends his free time at the bar where he gets drunk and last but by no means least he blows all his money on hookers like Samantha his personal prostitute slash secret girlfriend and that's not when he's blowing it all away when he's gambling."

"He seriously blows all his money on hookers, gambling and liquor?" Thomas asked surprised.

"Yeah."

"Son of a bitch! He told me that he need five hundred more dollars to enroll in college!" Thomas screamed slamming a book on demonology on to the table.

Jake smirked "Dude let me give you some advice Jeremy the real Jeremy isn't that sweet heart that he's got his sister or cousin or whatever and her friends fooled into thinking he is he's the guy you hide your money and booze from. How did he become a guardian anyway?"

"Well it's complicated but the Celestial Court was short on soldiers so we picked a bunch fallen warriors, soldiers or hunters to resurrect. I barely got him out of that fire if I hadn't done that he'd be…"

"Really dead wouldn't he?"

"Yes, yes he would Jake."

"And we'd never of had our money swindled from us. Hard to believe the fate of humanity is in the hands of a drunk, gambling, cheating womanizer. You know what that means right?"

Thomas nodded "Indeed the world is doomed especially if he can't get his shit together."


	2. Chapter 2

New Orleans Seven Months Ago...

Jeremy and Jake snuck into the coroners office "You're sure no is coming Jake?" Jeremy asked paranoid.

"Yeah besides I should be the paranoid one you have more experience with the supernatural relocation program then I do. You sure you got the papers?"

Jeremy patted the inside of his jacket "Yep a passport to Canada, a new drivers license, ownership papers to a nice restaurant in Ontario and even a nice house to boot that's not including the other stuff she'll need to start over."

"Wow can't believe how easy this was."

"Easy Jake really? Your not the one that had to slip her a potion that would save her from a supernatural death."

"Just try to keep it in your pants this time Jeremy. This Sophie girl is a looker and knowing you you'll be on top of her and naked before she revives if I don't keep my eye on you. By the way do your friends and family even know about your string of one night stands?"

"Hey! I don't have one night stands I have mutually satisfying hook ups." Jeremy smiled like a sly fox.

The two threw off the sheet revealing the dead Sophie "So Jeremy does Thomas have everything covered on his end?"

"Yep the New Orleans coven will get the body of a Jane Doe who resembles Sophie but is by no means a witch and when her spirit doesn't show up and when no magic is given to the ancestors they'll assume she passed on before her spirit could be bound. Just remember to keep it in your pants."

Just then Sophie gasped for air "Where the hell am I?" She asked terrified.

"Hi welcome back to the land of the living I'm Jeremy this is Jake and you've just been drafted into the Celestial Court's relocation program."

Sophie just at the two of them not understanding what they were talking about "Celestial Court?"

"They over see all supernatural activity and have guardian's like Jeremy here enforce their will. He's basically a cop."

"A cop?" Jeremy paused to think about it for a moment "Yeah Jake I suppose you have a point there I'm pretty much enforcing the law and putting my life on the line while getting paid not nearly as much as I should. But more importantly can we get Sophie out of here before it's too late?"

"Don't I have a say in this?" Sophie asked.

The two men looked at her serious expressions and said "No."

Mystic Falls Present Day...

Jake pulled into the driveway of the Lockwood mansion "I can't believe he's crashing in this place."

Jake got out and walked up to the front door he knocked on it frustrated finding a confused Tyler Lockwood "Dude who are you?"

"I'm Jake a friend of Jeremy's I'm worried about him I understand that his girlfriend Bonnie recently passed away in a car accident. He hasn't been answering my phone calls lately so I've been concerned."

"Jeremy said he was he was staying with Stefan and Elena now if you don't mind I'm kind of expecting someone over." Tyler meant Caroline of course Jake knew this Jeremy often talked about everyone he knew to Tyler and Thomas so much so that there was literally nothing Jake didn't know about Team Mystic Falls (that was what they called Elena and company behind their backs).

Still Jake smiled and said "Well thank you for your time."

Jake left with Tyler closing the door behind him and mumbled "Damn it Stefan and Elena said he was here where the hell are you Jeremy. Your not at Caroline's, the Grave Yard, Anna's old house, the Salvatore Mansion or the Lockwood Mansion so where the hell are you?"

Jake took out his cell phone and started dialing "Hey Thomas."

"What's going on Jake?"

"It's Jeremy he's M.I.A. again. I've been looking everywhere for him do you have any idea where he might?"

"Have you tried the Fox Hole?"

"That Bar slash Brothel slash underground Fetish club run by the kitsune twins? I can't believe I didn't look there first."

"May I ask why your looking for him?"

"You know how I'm always on him about keeping it in his pants when it comes to our buisness?"

"Of course keeping him on track is a full time job in itself why what did he do now? Is this like the Omaha incident?"

"No it's just he really should have kept it in his pants. I'll call when I find him." Jake hung up and went back to his car where a woman was waiting in the seat next to him.

"I'm sorry it's taking so long to find him. Why did you wait so long to make contact us Sophie?"

In seconds Sophie went on a rant "Well lets see only seven months ago I was killed by my neice and brought back only to be shoved into a supernatural witness protection program the only thing that got me through it was the night Jeremy spent comforting me and that got me pregnant with not one kid not two but but triplets! Whose dad lets not forget is a closet gambler, drinker and womanizer who told me everything I wanted to hear probably just to get into my pants."

Jake after hearing that just went quiet turned on the engine and said "Okay let's find Jeremy and tell him the good news he's going to be a dad of triplets no less. Oh boy those poor kids got no chance of having a normal child hood. I wonder how that Elena girl will react?"

"Oh god I think I'm going to be sick!" Sophie cried opening the car door to hurl in the drive way.

"Sophie pregnant or not you better not puke in my new car."


End file.
